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pandemic

Health Officials Warn Against Gathering to Celebrate Ides of March

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LOS ANGELES—At a press conference this week, Los Angeles County Health Director Dr. Barbara Ferrer warned the public […]

Jenny Harper March 12, 2021 Local, News, Science & Technology

Daily Neighborhood Walk Interrupted by Daily Sense of Existential Dread

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HERMOSA BEACH—In an effort to achieve her daily step count, South Bay resident Sydney Copeland took her routine […]

Jenny Harper March 3, 2021 Local, News

Study: New COVID Variant An Asshole

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WESTWOOD—The new coronavirus variant B.1.427 that recently emerged in Southern California has been deemed an “asshole” by a […]

Jenny Harper February 23, 2021 Local, News, Science & Technology

LADOT to Begin Ticketing Residents Not Hitting Daily Step Count

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LOS ANGELES—The Los Angeles Department of Transportation announced at a press conference this week that starting next Tuesday, […]

Jenny Harper February 16, 2021 Local, News

Report: Area Man in No Way Essential

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EAST HOLLYWOOD—Area man and corporate consultant Brandon Huff cannot be considered essential in any way, according to sources […]

Jack Lyons January 28, 2021 Local, News

Area Woman Surprised Overpriced Yoga Mat Not Cured Depression Yet

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LA CAÑADA—Local woman Debra Foster concluded this week that her overpriced Maduka 6 millimeter thick yoga mat had […]

Jenny Harper January 28, 2021 Local, News

Taylor Swift’s Third Quarantine Album to Feature 13 Additional Queer-Coded Love Triangles

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BEVERLY HILLS—Taylor Swift announced in a press release published today that her third album of the pandemic will […]

Jenny Harper January 26, 2021 Entertainment

Op-Ed: Whatever, Just Give Up and Fucking Die Then, I Guess

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For more than 50 years, I have led our nation’s research into infectious diseases from HIV & AIDS […]

Dr. Anthony Fauci January 16, 2021 Opinion

Critics Warn COVID Restrictions Put LA On Slippery Slope Toward Responsibility

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“‘Simply put, this is fundamentally un-American,’ said Alan Dershowitz, an Emeritus Professor of Law at Harvard University and prominent legal commentator, who argued other parts of the country may follow LA’s lead, causing irreparable damage to the national character of a country founded on individual freedom.”

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Local, News

Americans Celebrate Line Going Up

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Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Business, Local, National, News, News in Picture
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