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Democratic Party Backs Fully Preserved Neanderthal For Senate, Because Fuck You

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SACRAMENTO—According to sources familiar with the matter, the California Democratic Party (CDP) held a closed-door meeting in which […]

Jack Lyons January 5, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief, Politics

Area Woman Begins Juice Cleanse, Unclear Why

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BRENTWOOD—Friends and family of local woman Ashley Glindman report that the 29-year-old marketing analyst has abruptly embarked on […]

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief

MSNBC Assures Viewers Trump Will Live On In Their Hearts And Minds Forever

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Desperate to maintain the consistently high ratings the network enjoyed throughout Donald J. Trump’s presidency, MSNBC hosts […]

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 National, News, News in Brief, Politics

Critics Warn COVID Restrictions Put LA On Slippery Slope Toward Responsibility

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“‘Simply put, this is fundamentally un-American,’ said Alan Dershowitz, an Emeritus Professor of Law at Harvard University and prominent legal commentator, who argued other parts of the country may follow LA’s lead, causing irreparable damage to the national character of a country founded on individual freedom.”

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Local, News

Holiday Card Features Exactly One Person You Know

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SILVER LAKE—In college friend Janet Thornbush’s holiday card this year, exactly one person was recognizable among the group […]

Jenny Harper January 4, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief

Area Man Currently Violating CDC Health Guidelines First In Line For Vaccine Somehow

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Jenny Harper December 22, 2020 National, News, News in Picture, Politics

Area Man With Facebook Account Concerned About Being Tracked By Vaccine Microchip

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LOS ANGELES—In a status update shared with his 1,732 Facebook friends, area man Jason Tenley declared his reluctance […]

Jack Lyons December 19, 2020 Local, National, News
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