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coronavirus

Health Officials Warn Against Gathering to Celebrate Ides of March

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LOS ANGELES—At a press conference this week, Los Angeles County Health Director Dr. Barbara Ferrer warned the public […]

Jenny Harper March 12, 2021 Local, News, Science & Technology

A Guide to LA’s Hottest Superspreader Destinations

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New daily COVID-19 cases may be sharply declining while vaccination rates rise, but don’t worry—there’s still time to […]

Jack Lyons March 1, 2021 Lists & Guides, Local, News

The American Rescue Plan to Now Include Bare Minimum

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden’s American Rescue Plan, which passed the House late Friday night and has been sent to […]

Jenny Harper February 28, 2021 National, News, Politics

Study: New COVID Variant An Asshole

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WESTWOOD—The new coronavirus variant B.1.427 that recently emerged in Southern California has been deemed an “asshole” by a […]

Jenny Harper February 23, 2021 Local, News, Science & Technology

LA County Reopens Outdoor Morgues, Restaurant Dining

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LOS ANGELES COUNTY—The Los Angeles County Board of Directors voted last week to reopen the county’s outdoor morgues […]

Jenny Harper February 11, 2021 Local, News

Report: Coronavirus Able to Infect up to 5th Layer of 7-Layer Dip

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WESTWOOD—In anticipation of Super Bowl Sunday, UCLA researchers issued a press release regarding their latest breakthrough discovery that […]

Mitt Hauser February 6, 2021 Local, National, News, Science & Technology

Report: Area Man in No Way Essential

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EAST HOLLYWOOD—Area man and corporate consultant Brandon Huff cannot be considered essential in any way, according to sources […]

Jack Lyons January 28, 2021 Local, News

Vaccine Side Effects Include Pixar Mom Dump Truck Ass, High Temperature

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ROCKVILLE, MD—The National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that developing a Pixar mom dump truck ass, as well […]

Jenny Harper January 21, 2021 Local, National, News

Op-Ed: Whatever, Just Give Up and Fucking Die Then, I Guess

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For more than 50 years, I have led our nation’s research into infectious diseases from HIV & AIDS […]

Dr. Anthony Fauci January 16, 2021 Opinion

Experts Bewildered by Area Man Who Follows All COVID-19 Guidelines

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WESTWOOD—UCLA Health researchers expressed bewilderment and awe this week over local software engineer Jason Allen, who has been […]

Jack Lyons January 14, 2021 Local, News

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