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MSNBC Assures Viewers Trump Will Live On In Their Hearts And Minds Forever

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Desperate to maintain the consistently high ratings the network enjoyed throughout Donald J. Trump’s presidency, MSNBC hosts […]

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 National, News, News in Brief, Politics

Critics Warn COVID Restrictions Put LA On Slippery Slope Toward Responsibility

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“‘Simply put, this is fundamentally un-American,’ said Alan Dershowitz, an Emeritus Professor of Law at Harvard University and prominent legal commentator, who argued other parts of the country may follow LA’s lead, causing irreparable damage to the national character of a country founded on individual freedom.”

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Local, News

Americans Celebrate Line Going Up

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Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Business, Local, National, News, News in Picture

Area Woman Opposes Vaccine Because Needle “Ouchie”

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CULVER CITY—Local stay-at-home mother Kaitlynn Krassen expressed to numerous sources that she does not intend to receive the […]

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief

Local Introverts Applaud Reinstated Stay-At-Home Orders

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Jenny Harper January 4, 2021 Local, News, News in Picture

Pete Buttigieg Appointed New Conductor Of Polar Express

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GRAND RAPIDS, MI—In a surprise message broadcast to all residents of the North Pole, Santa Claus announced Pete […]

Jenny Harper January 4, 2021 National, News, Politics

Holiday Card Features Exactly One Person You Know

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SILVER LAKE—In college friend Janet Thornbush’s holiday card this year, exactly one person was recognizable among the group […]

Jenny Harper January 4, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief

Congress Announces $1,200 Stimulus Check For Lucky American Who Guesses Number Of Jelly Beans In Jar

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced today that they have reached a […]

Jack Lyons December 27, 2020 Uncategorized

Area Man Currently Violating CDC Health Guidelines First In Line For Vaccine Somehow

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Jenny Harper December 22, 2020 National, News, News in Picture, Politics

Area Man With Facebook Account Concerned About Being Tracked By Vaccine Microchip

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LOS ANGELES—In a status update shared with his 1,732 Facebook friends, area man Jason Tenley declared his reluctance […]

Jack Lyons December 19, 2020 Local, National, News

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