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Category Archive: Politics

Gov. Newsom Announces Big Stupid Dum-Dum Plan

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SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom announced a big stupid dum-dum plan this morning to lift all statewide COVID-19 restrictions despite […]

Jack Lyons January 25, 2021 Local, News, Politics

BREAKING: Florida Man Loses House, Job

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MAR-A-LAGO, FL—Florida Man Donald J. Trump reportedly lost his house and job today following a collective decision by […]

Jack Lyons January 18, 2021 National, News, Politics

Kamala Harris Changes Position on Being Californian

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the incoming Biden-Harris administration attempts to foster bipartisanship by compromising with the Republican Party on certain […]

Jack Lyons January 18, 2021 National, News, News in Brief, Politics

Nook Inc. To Halt Donations to Hawley, Cruz

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NOOK’S CRANNY—Real estate development company Nook Inc. announced that it will halt all campaign contributions to Senators Josh […]

Jack Lyons January 13, 2021 National, News, News in Brief, Politics

Frustrated Gavin Newsom Laments He Now Has To Get French Laundry To-Go

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SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom lashed out in a phone call with his staff Monday morning, lamenting that due […]

Jack Lyons January 10, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief, Politics

Democratic Party Backs Fully Preserved Neanderthal For Senate, Because Fuck You

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SACRAMENTO—According to sources familiar with the matter, the California Democratic Party (CDP) held a closed-door meeting in which […]

Jack Lyons January 5, 2021 Local, News, News in Brief, Politics

MSNBC Assures Viewers Trump Will Live On In Their Hearts And Minds Forever

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Desperate to maintain the consistently high ratings the network enjoyed throughout Donald J. Trump’s presidency, MSNBC hosts […]

Jack Lyons January 4, 2021 National, News, News in Brief, Politics

Pete Buttigieg Appointed New Conductor Of Polar Express

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GRAND RAPIDS, MI—In a surprise message broadcast to all residents of the North Pole, Santa Claus announced Pete […]

Jenny Harper January 4, 2021 National, News, Politics

Area Man Currently Violating CDC Health Guidelines First In Line For Vaccine Somehow

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Jenny Harper December 22, 2020 National, News, News in Picture, Politics

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