WESTWOOD—The new coronavirus variant B.1.427 that recently emerged in Southern California has been deemed an “asshole” by a team of UCLA researchers led by Dr. Andrea St. John, MD, MPH, co-chief infection prevention officer at UCLA Health, according to a press release published Monday. “This variant is doing everything it can to be the worst fuckhead of the 21st century,” said Dr. St. Johns, shaking her head in disbelief as she pointed to charts indicating the new variant’s levels of “assholery” compared to the original COVID-19 strain, which had previously been deemed “kind of a dick.” “This variant is even more transmissible than the original strain and is showing signs of resistance to antibodies formed from previous infections. And with the delay in vaccine distribution, this variant is just going to go fuck up all our hard work and make the vaccines less effective. The absolute nerve.” At press time, a new study on B.1.427’s interaction with the UK coronavirus variant in a single subject revealed the potential for the creation of an even more douchebag SARS-CoV-2 virus variant, which scientists believe could be “a massive fuckboy the likes of which the medical community has never seen before.”