EAST HOLLYWOOD—Area man and corporate consultant Brandon Huff cannot be considered essential in any way, according to sources familiar with Mr. Huff. “During this pandemic, we are thankful for all essential workers, which obviously does not include Brandon,” said his neighbor Maria Lopez, explaining that Mr. Huff’s contributions to society are so minimal and inconsequential that he may never even be considered a candidate for a coronavirus vaccine at any point in the distribution process. “I’m happy to wait my turn in line so essential workers can get vaccinated as soon as possible, and I would be appalled if Brandon gets any sort of prioritization. Doctors, nurses, grocery store workers, even vloggers are far more important members of the community than Brandon.” At press time, the City of Los Angeles had opted to relocate Brandon to the Bay Area in order to use his apartment to quarantine essential workers.