BEVERLY HILLS—Taylor Swift announced in a press release published today that her third album of the pandemic will feature thirteen additional queer-coded love triangles. “I’m an ally of the LGBTQ+ community,” explained Swift, displaying a collaged wall featuring queer celebrities such as Dance Moms’ Jojo Siwa and Queer Eye’s Tan France matched together. “I want people of all sexualities, whether gay or lesbian or bisexual or pansexual or demisexual, to relate to my music, as a straight cis white woman. If that means writing songs for my fans about fictional characters processing the highs and lows of queer-coded romantic trysts and tragic breakups, something I have of course never experienced myself, so be it!” At press time, Swift had confirmed her newest album would be entitled “missing dianna”.