ROCKVILLE, MD—The National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that developing a Pixar mom dump truck ass, as well as a high temperature, are common side effects of Pfizer and Moderna’s COVID-19 mRNA vaccines according to early results from phase 3 of the clinical trials. “We first started noticing this side effect becoming more prevalent during the first wave of vaccination distributions to healthcare workers across the country,” mused NIH Director Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D., gesturing to a series of graphs displaying a dramatic increase in absolute dump truck asses resembling those of mothers in Pixar films directly correlated with the rapid inoculation of healthcare workers in the past two months.

“We understand people may be wary of taking this vaccine given the shortened timeline of clinical trials, but we want to reiterate that vaccines like Pfizer and Moderna’s are safe, effective, and at worst may give you a voluptuous backside just in time for Summer 2021, or a fever,” continued NIH Director Collins, pulling up before and after photos of vaccine trial participants with blurred out faces, zeroing in on the severe difference in ass size between dose 1 and dose 2 of the vaccine.

“Listen, I was excited to hear that my grandma got her vaccine last week because she’s like 91 years old and lives in a nursing facility, but it’s kind of weird knowing she’s got a dump truck ass now,” said Los Angeles resident Bethany Harmon. “Apparently she doesn’t fit in any of her pants anymore, but she’s not even mad about it? Anyway, my family has to go pick her up some new pants and drop them off next weekend because it’s not like she can go and do it by herself with the high temperature fever she’s developed.”

At press time, tailors across the country were preparing for a surge in refitting requests as states and counties nationwide planned to begin the next phase of vaccination distribution for individuals 65 years and older. Sources have since confirmed the Biden Administration will move forward this week to invoke the Defense Production Act to manufacture larger jeans in light of this recent development.