GRAND RAPIDS, MI—In a surprise message broadcast to all residents of the North Pole, Santa Claus announced Pete Buttieigeg, former presidential candidate and Mayor of South Bend, Indiana, would be the new Conductor of The Polar Express. “Mayor Pete, or should I say, Conductor Pete, is the perfect choice to lead The Polar Express into a new, more jolly, age,” Mr. Claus chortled to himself, as elves across the workshop factory floor gasped in shock at the potential of a mere mortal running their most magical train in North America during the busiest season of the year. “And while I know many of you were probably hoping I’d pick someone seemingly more qualified like Tom Hanks, or even Thomas the Choo Choo Train, I’m certain that with Conductor Pete’s vision for The Polar Express, we are in good hands. His installation of decorative lights under bridges to colorfully illuminate rivers, in his capacity as Mayor of South Bend, aligns beautifully with our continued efforts to create a more festive and decadent experience for all children who still believe in the magic of Christmas!” At press time, Conductor Pete was seen earnestly explaining to Mr. Claus his new initiative for lighter licensing regulations for silver bells, to allow them to also ring for people who only kind of believe in Santa and the Christmas spirit.